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I t was a chilly afternoon in mid-December of last year. Glistening snowflakes fell from the sky as we walked through a heavily wooded area toward a small mound of soil covered by thousands of pine needles and leaves. “I think this is it,” said the local ijangnim (vil- lage chief) in Korean with a thick Gyeongsang dialect, “but I’m not positive because this is a public burial ground. Just know that everyone becomes part of the earth and nature when they die. Your mother’s spirit is all around us.” After eight frustrating years of searching for my Korean mother, my mind suddenly went blank as I stared at what may or may not be my mother’s burial site. “Omma, anyeong,” was all I could say as tears streamed down my face. I was born in Andong in 1983, adopted to Massachusetts at three months old and re- turned to Korea in 2005. Three months into my stay, I decided to search for my Korean family, mainly because I wanted to thank my mother for giving me life and absolve her from any guilt she may have. When I first visited the Holt International Children’s Services to initiate a birth fami- ly search, the social worker scanned my file, looked me square in the eye and told me there wasn’t any information about my birth parents. “Kim Mee Sook,” I sounded out loud as my eyes fixated on three Hangeul syllable blocks that were written on the paper in front of my social worker. “This information is confidential,” she snapped and quickly closed the file. Sadly, I know that I am not the only one who has been denied access to my adoption records. One of my closest friends has been relentlessly searching for 13 years. Her social worker admits that her adoption file contains the information of three different children but refuses to hand over the file to my friend. Af- ter three false reunions and five negative DNA tests, my friend continues to plead for her adoption records and search for her birth fam- ily. There are countless other stories like ours. For Korean adoptees, birth family searches can be filled with multiple challenges. Some searches may take just a few weeks before adoptees and birth families are reunited, while others may span decades and yield few an- swers. A lack of information, restricted access to adoption records, incorrect information, falsified records, language barriers and the physical distance to Korea are some of the obstacles that hinder the reunion process. In recent years, adoptees have begun a fight for access to their information. Just last week, a Korean law professor presented law revi- sions he plans to submit to the government that would in effect shut these efforts down. The revisions would allow biological parents to establish a one-time block so their children cannot access their birth records until the par- ents are deceased. The purpose behind this proposal is to pr otect the rights of the birth parents, particularly those of unwed mothers. However, the effect is that our rights are pitted against those of our own mothers and families. I also wonder if the birth mothers who choose the block, who may be in an emotionally vul- nerable state at the time, will feel very differ- ently about this decision later in life. I know of numerous birth mothers who are overjoyed to be reunited with their adult adopted children. For some birth parents, reunion provides an opportunity to heal from past traumas or rec- oncile guilt. I am one of the “lucky” adoptees who reunit- ed with my birth family, and yet I do not con- sider my reunion a success story. I was finally able to meet the ghost of my mother and ob- tain some semblance of closure, but my moth- er’s dramatic death at the age of 28 remains shrouded in mystery, and I am still learning to grieve the death of the mother I never knew. Yet I acknowledge my birth family search has yielded more answers than the searches of many others. I watch friends and countless other adoptees struggle for something they may never attain. The tears I cried the day I met the ghost of my mother were of joy and sadness. But they were also tears for my fel- low Korean adoptees who have struggled to reunite and for those who may live a lifetime with unanswered questions and unresolved grief. Food A metal bar for the masses If only the live music scene in Itaewon was on par with its dining options, our little neighborhood would be a much richer place. With the notable exception of the semian- nual HBC fest, Hongdae has always had the lion’s share of concerts –– that is, until now. There’s a new kid on the block and a cause for optimism in the gu: Thunderhorse. The ‘Horse originally opened in December 2012 down the street from Taco Bell in a second-floor location, and moved to their current location in Gyeongnidan –– next to Thunder Burger, coincidentally –– last November. And while there are certainly other watering holes featuring bands, Thunderhorse is the only venue whose prima- ry focus is on the music; everything else is secondary. No longer must audiophiles sit through shitty-sounding sets played on busted monitors and neglected drum kits. The owner, Kirk Kwon, is a professional sound engineer and has made it the mission of the bar to have nothing but high-quality, well-mixed concerts on top-of-the-line equipment. “I just want to have a place where musicians and music lovers can be relaxed, feel at home and enjoy themselves,” he says. Story by Ian Henderson next up: OCTOBER 2014 AdOpTEEs’ RighT TO ThEiR RECORds By Andrea Kim Cavicchi editorial insight The disappearing face of Kim il-sung In late July, as summer was (not) kick- ing into gear, the central bank of North Korea replaced the country’s highest de- nomination currency unit, the 5,000 won note. This was a big news story, but not for any economic reason: As in Decem- ber 1947, April 1979 and July 1992, when all existing currency units were swapped, and 1998 and 2005, when single new denomination bills were is- sued, all the state had done was swap one bill for another at a rate of 1:1. The most interesting element was polit- ical, and concerned the images on the new money. After paying visits to local branches of the central bank to make their exchanges, sources working with my company, Daily NK, confirmed the appearance of the new bill. On the front there is an image of the Pyongyang house in which the govern- ment asserts, seemingly falsely, that Kim Il-sung was born. On the back is the cavernous International Friendship Exhi- bition complex at Mt. Myohang. Buried in the side of a mountain, this is where the many gifts bestowed upon Kim Il- sung, Kim Jong-il and Kim Jong-un down the years are stored and displayed. A basketball signed by Michael Jordan, for example, and a famously unattractive, not to mention ethically questionable, stuffed alligator holding a tray of cocktail glasses. Therefore, the new money no longer in- corporates any likeness of Kim Il-sung, the self-titled North Korean national founder and someone whose image had previously been on the country’s highest denomination currency unit for decades. This came as a surprise to ordinary North Korean people. Column by Christopher Green Andrea Kim Cavicchi is a Ph.D. candidate in Modern Korean History at UCLA and an advocate for adoptee rights. She returned to Kore a last summer on a Fulbright research grant, and has since been working with the adoptee community in Seoul. —Ed. An adoptee returns to meet ghosts, gain closure and confront many closed doors www.groovekorea.com / September 2014 6 To comment, email editor@groovekorea.com EDITORIAL